a sex-changed woman!
That’s ma wife Matilda.
Matilda and I have known each other for about 2oo hundred years. In dog years. We fight like dogs that’s why. If you have read the story about my best boss, you would have known her from that story. So, let’s see. How do I introduce her to you?
Act 1 – Society Hill
She and I would be go to these bars in Sociey Hill. Since I was new in Philadelphia, Pinoys peppered me with questions. So, our crazy minds started rolling. Our story was that we were married for years. Then I came out. We had a big fight until she finally accepted my homosexuality. People believed the story we concocted. They loved our story! We have ready answers. Like: how’d you find out Matilda? She would answer: because we don’t have sex no more and I noticed I’ve been losing my bra for reasons i didn’t know!
Act 2 - Parties
Since I started gaining friends, I get a lot of invitations to parties from people I barely knew. But I don’t want to attend and go there by myself. So, I would drag my wife to these parties. We have a new story. He He He! I told some of my new friends that Matilda is actually a man who had a sex change and injections to be a woman. Ha! Ha! Ha! That story was a hit! Everybody adored her! This time, no one was interested in talking to me. She was now peppered with questions: where’d you get your operation? Does it hurt? How much did you spend? What happened to your adam’s apple? Matilda, a very smart man… err woman, rode on like a professional with a split personality oscar award winner! Let me tell you, some of my closest friend were just awed by how good the operation was! We must have run this story for months! And no one noticed! Until one friend who can no longer take it approached me and bluntly said… Puta ka!!@#^
Act 3 – Office Party
My boss was getting annoyed at me really. I have been working with them for years but I never attended any party at work. I was afraid that they would find out. So, when my boss told me that he was expecting me there, I called Matilda. “I need a wife!” I told her. She was in a bar. Annoyed at me, “A what?!!! What am I this time?! Can you cancel it? I have work to do!”. I begged for her to come. She did. And when she arrived, she was stunning, classy and 1st class looking. My boss was like: “So is she the reason why you’re always out of money?!”. I was smiling. Matilda was driving a BMW and was in her Dolce Gabbana. I was strict with Matilda. We had an agreement. By 11pm, we were gonna be lovey-dovey. Me give her drinks. Her give me drinks. No kissy-kissy but lovey dovey. By 12pm, we were gonna be tipsy-tispsy and lovey-lovey. By 1am, we are gonna be fighting, ok! Me, her, fighting! By 2am, she is soooo gonna leave me alone in the party! Dang!!! She got drunk with tequila! It was already 2:30am! This time, we were really fighting! I mean, no more drama! Real fighting! And she’s still at the party! Ugh! I’ve been pushing her to leave but she won’t go!
Act 4 – Olive Garden
She invited me to Short Hills in Voorhees, an upscale place, to have dinner at Olive Garden. It’s a Italian restaurant. We had red wine and enjoying our appetizers, when suddenly the waitress brought something like… – Matilda, ano yan? bagoong?! I knew I must had blurted some wrong answer because I could see her face turned rectangle and just about to pierce my eyes with anger!
Act 5 – Chou’s Party
A friend of ours used to live by the King of Prussia area in Pennsylvania. It’s a good drive from Philly. It was his birthday. Of course, there was a party. She, of course, was invited. I arrived earlier than her. Apparently, she was lost. She called me and asked directions from me.
Matilda – O, kumanan na ako, anong susunod dito?
Reynz – Straight through ka lang. Then turn left. After a light, pagpasok mo sa development, merong kwan, yong ano… yon bang pe-preno ka kasi nga andun sya sa gitna nang kalye…
Matilda – (naguguluahan) anong pinagsasabi mo? dalian mo’t me sasakyan sa likod at binubusinahan ako!!!
Reynz – meron ngang parang ano… yon bang tataas yong kalsada na hindi naman sya bundok?
Matilda – ano yon? tataas kalsada?!
This time, nawala na nang tuluyan ang Matilda, nagmumura na. Naririnig ko sa phone! Galit na galit na. Binaba ko na lang phone. Natakot ako. 10 minutes… ala pa. 20 minutes… ala pa rin! sang oras! Krrringgg!
Matilda – Hoooyyyyy!! Hudasss kaaa! Eh hump pala yong sinabi mong gagito ka! @#$%^&* blag!!
Di ako kinausap ni Matilda nang matagal. 30 minutes siguro.
So what’s with this blog story?
She’s actually a big influence on all of my crazy, lunatic, insane imaginations! Sometimes we would sit in a coffee bar and talk about nothing for hours. Sometimes we talk about the same shit that we talked about last year, last month, last week, or a few hours ago and laugh at the same story, over and over and over and over….
The best part of it? She pays for everything. Ebbbbrithing. He He He! Remember the best friend formula?!
Who’s your Matilda?!
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{ 35 comments… read them below or add one }
Sana ako rin may “Matilda” hehehe…kaw na lang kaya Reynz?
So ano talaga si Matilda, totoong babaeng pinagpapanggap nyong nagpa-sex change lang o talagang nagpa-sex change nga?
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babaeng bading sya parang si kuta! he he he
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Reynz, mwaahhhh!!! mwaaaahhhh!!! mwaaaahhhh!!!
Salamat ng madaming madami sa 5$ mo!!!
dumating na ang email sa akin…di ko pa tinignan sa site, though. Ikaw inuna kong pasalamatan ng madaming madami!!!!!
BOW.
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Fllaanngggggg!!! Wero teyk nowt ha, adafted lang aketch ng federacion…at ang aking matris ay jenyuwayn… waz implant. AND ang aking regla ay red at hindi mint green katulad ni chuva….
Ehehehehehe, wala naman talaga akong sasabihin…type lang ng type kasi naaaliw ako dito sa preview, kahit binibilisan kong mag type, nahahabol pa rin nya ang speed ko… Identical twin ko ba sha? *taka*
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Buwahahahahahaa!! C5 and Kuts – love ko ang mga faghag.. mayroon din ako, kaso milyonarya na sya, nasa california. Nagpanggap ding golprend ko yon nung nasa Nueva York pa aketch..
Pero ngayon, bukingking na – - lalake na jowa ko!
I must say, I miss my matilda. The laughs, the adventures, and the shoulder to cry on.
If you have a matilda – - try to keep him/her.. kayo din ang magtutulungan in the end.
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Soloista kasi ako nun…maski naman ngayon…ang turo kasi sa amin nung nag-aaral pa kami, “walang barkada! walang barkada! pagkagaling sa iskwela, uwi!” which is ok naman, di naging problematic ang childhood, wala pang peer pressure. wala pang makikikopya ng sagot at sasama ang loob pag di mo napakopya. hehehe
Nga pala, Reynz, check mo ito… http://talithafoundation.org/acknowledgements.html at sikat na sikat ka dun!
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HOw come I ain’t got no matilduh, man?? I feel like I’m everybody’s friggin’ matilduh but I ain’t got no one to givin’ me no freebies, man.. This ain’t right, doug…this ain’t right..
**hehehe, katatapos kong basahin ang librong The Pursuit of HappYness ni Chris Gardner. ganda torya – ala suze orman! Feeling ko na naman yayaman na ako bukas!!!**
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@kutz, basahin mo na rin ang 1 minute millionaire! Pag di ka maloka sa istorya nun ewan ko na! Also, kundi ka maging rich, gawin mo ginagawa ko! Maghanap ka nang ritz prends! he he he
@cinco! EEKKKKK! Kung alam ko lang na popos mo ung donation ko pinadala ko lang sana sweldo ko por 10 yeaaarrrsss!!! TEKA! DI BA MALI AN LAGAY MO NANG ZERO?!
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Reynz, katunayan yan na awdited lahat ng donayzhons sa pawndayzhon…di pa huli ang lahat, gusto mo dagdagan???
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hehehe for a while i thought it was Karen Davila making faces in front of the camera hehehe
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Hi bea!!!! haven’t seen you for a while.. sino si Karen Davila? Dragonista ba siya?
Mukhang lalake no? Hay naku, kakilala ku rin yang babaeng yan – lukaret pero masayang kasama… at saka, rules ni Reynz, Rich Prend = Best Prend!!!
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wow…ang laki ng donut-zion ni INAY!!
daming donuts!!
teka..bakit dun sa sulat ni C5 walang donuts? 5 lang?
hehehe
cge Inay…ituloy ang gives labs maliit o malaki..it’s the thought that bounce!
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hi ross he he he %5000.00 sana talaga donation ko kaso typo talaga! typooooooo!!
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eeekkkk! you see! you see! bat naging Pirzent yong Dular sign?! you see! kagagawan to nang mga engkantooo!!!
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hahahah Pirzent talaga REYNXX!
yaan mo pg manalo ka sa blog awards, uwi ka ba Pinas?
eto lang ang kalaban mo d2
Business/Entrepreneur
Radiant View Communications
Reyna Elena $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ -YEHEY!
Jozzua
Reflections of a BizDrivenLife
Follow the Process
ManuelViloria.com
Sonnie’s Porch
Waukster Online
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hoy, reyna elena!ur sure thats matilda?baka naman ikaw yan last holloween? actualy maganda at nakakaingit ang storia nyo pang hiwaga at wakasan komiks.sana may makuha rin akong matilda o kaya ako ang maging matilda… buti pa sya nahihiram “babayaring puso”,ako nga laging may sign na 4 rent…eto…. hangang ngayon may sign parin… waaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh
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Di bale Reynz, manalo-matalo, panalo ka pa rin sa mga diwata mo!
Lalo na pag nilagyan mo ng madaming donutz ang peyborit pawndeyzhun ko… 
May meeting nga pala kami mamaya 9:00…naku! 8:32 na!…pag-uusapan kung pano ang gagawing atado sa $5.000,000,000 na bigay ni Inang…$1.000,000,000 sa Talitha’s Garden Home fot the Elderly…$1.000,000,000 sa Talitha’s Collection para kumita naman ang mga exports ng mga beneficiaries…$1.000,000,000 sa Community Development…at $0.620,000,000 para sa operating expenses na lang ang natira kasi yung $1.380,000,000 bayad sa Clickbank for using their services.
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mga anakkkk! me pumasok na langaw! ekkkk! paru-paru pala!!!
paruparu – mas maganda ako sa kanya. at kahit na haluwin, litaw na litaw ang ningning ko’t ganda. sa totoo lang, malaki ang kinikita ko sa araw na yon. he he he
tsaka, parati ko lang sinasabing maganda sya, me dinner na naman akong libre. ganun lang. he he he
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C5!!! hu hu hu di ko maatim na singko dolyares lang yun, pahahabain ko listahan na yon! hu hu hu di ko matatanggap na $5 lang yon! BUONG SWELDO KO papadala ko…. hindi sayo kundi sa mahal ko! he he he
Check mo nga! Nagpadala ako nang additional $5.000,000
O di ba? Purihin mo pa ako! Baka dagdagan ko pa! Daliiiii!!!!
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walanghiya naman…palibhasa singko ang last name nung nagsolicit, increments ob payb ka naman magbigay… singkong singko, ahaahaahaaha!!!
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Pag ako ba gumawa din ng fundeyshun eh do-donetan mo din ba ako? diwatangbyaning para sa luho ko fundeyshun ang pangalan nya Inang!
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he he he
eh boung adcentimos ko na yong pinadala ko no?! this adsents sa reyna is not working!!! gawin ko kayang french tong site na to para kumita ako?! say mo?
parlez vous madrekakaw mademoiselle?
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Eeee!! Eeee!! kutzzzz! PIGILAN MOO AKOO!!! me nakita akong gwapong bisitaaa!! ITALI MO AKO DITO! Ugh.. I mean… no. not that.. Teka lang… me pupuntahan ako. he he he
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Ok lang yon kung di kumikita ang site mong Reyna Elena… Anjan naman sila… How 2 Audit at si OFW no… Malakas yon humitik! Doon ka na lang bumawi…*Ako nga naga blogging pa din kahit wa na kita! Gamot na lang sa katimangan ko ang ginagawa ko lol*
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diwa, i just checked yahoo, nag-apply na nga ako. if i get approved, i-blog ko sya. try it…type mo yahoo adsense and apply.
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those freaks! nag apply na ako jan… 3 or 4 days ago… wa pa email=(
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ay sori po… sinumpa ko pa ang yahoo… bilis ko kasi magbasa eh… kala ko na approve ka na… kala ko kasi nai-chis-mis na ako ng goole sa yahoo eh. LOL
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Yay!!!!!! May isang donut na yung bigay ni Inang!!! Ang saya-saya!!!! Ok lang yun Kutz, eh kung araw-araw ba naman gaya ng sabi nya eh bakit naman ako magrereklamo? Ang bait-bait nga ni Inang eh! Imagine, para nalang sa mga boylets nya eh binigay nya pa para dun sa Talitha’s Garden Home for the Elderly…nag-meeting nga pala kami kanina…ayun, maghahanap ako ng PhP78,000,000 grant para dun sa property na target namin (di kasama construction…lupa lang)…Eh may binigay na si Inang na PhP480.000,000…eh di kulang na lang ng PhP77,000,520! Ay, di ko pa natanggal ang cut ng Clickbank…pero di bale, basta yun yon! O diba, umaasenso?
Ikinuwento ko nga ikaw sa Founder ng Talitha Foundation eh…ayun tuwang-tuwa, ang galing naman daw ng kaibigan ko…ang bait daw…nirekomend pa kita sa isang kasama namin, si Weng…baklang babae yun! Makikita nyo pic dun sa http://talitha.i.ph pagka-post ko ngayon ng pics na kuha kanina…sya yung blond ang buhok…check nyo maya-maya…post din kayo dun!
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ok lang ba magkasama yahu at gugol?
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hello chuva! medyo nakakahinga na po ako sa work ko. nagsisimula na uli akong mag-blog kahit mga short posts lang sa blog ko. si karen davila po ay isang reporter ng abs-cbn. para makita ang pagkakamukha nila ng matilda ni mahal na reyna, click itong links:
http://www.abs-cbn.com/imgs-ent/ent-090104-yspeak3.jpg
http://www.abs-cbnnews.com/images/news/microsites/TheCorrespondents/hostsprofile.htm
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@ bea! aba! magandang matilda yang nilagay mo bea?! at mukhang me pera! pano maging kebigan yan? type kong maging bespren! he he he
@cinco! i don’t know yet dun sa yahoo adsense (di adsense tawag, sumtin sumtin publishe, basta nag sign up ako di ko binasa ang kung anong dosage he he he this weekend basahin ko!)
@cinco, home for the elderly ba yon sabi? baka naman puro lola mo ang nakatira dun ano?! he he CHIKKKKAAA!!! he he he
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hehehe di ba may pagkakahawig sila ng matilda mo, mahal na reyna? hayaan mo, i-CIA ko para malaman kung paano mo siya magiging bespren hehehe
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bea, anak. nagsasalamin ka na ba or contacts? kailangan mo na yatang bumalik at mag-pa tsekap.
Nakita mo ba yung picture ng matilda ni reyna? Naku, kailangan maikuwentu ko sa kanya yan dahil baka ibili ka nun ng BMW!! Ava, eh sobrang ganda niyang si Karen Davila kaysa kay Matilda Diyavolo.
Pero in fairness, mabait itong si Matilda Diyavolo.. she is so big, ON THE INSIDE.
Tsika lang Matilda!!!
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ako may maldito
badingerzie sya kasi e, hehe
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kengkay!
hahaha! how’s maldito? lukaret ba sya gaya ni Matilda ko? hahaha!!! Isn’t it nice to have an alter-ego daw?
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