Just like what my college classmates, college friends and close friends in Manila would yell at me, ako’y nabubuang because I’ve always wanted to go back to the Philippines. Just like what they would tell me, they’d die to have my place here in the You Es of Ey to be here instead of being there. 

Of course, I could understand. After all, isn’t it true that every Filipino dream is DA American dream?

Even my very close friends here would bombard me with things like:

“Tanga ka ba?! Nasa kama ka na! Bababa ka pa sa papag?!”

“Bibigyan kita nang isang taon. Babalik ka rin dito.”

“Ulol. Walang mangyayari sayo dun!”

I laugh. But deep inside me, I don’t think these people really understand what’s behind my wishes to be back home. But honestly, masakit di ba? Every single one of Filipino-Americans that I spoke with of my dreams, I get a very negative if not insulting reactions. That’s how each and every single one of them views how there is no future in the Philippines - that I disagree.

And so, I did went home,  because I am one of those guys who believes that there are a lot of opportunities at home. And so I followed my dreams. Ako’y isang tanga. Estupida. Plandida. Wa chienes-chienes fly-lalush follow my dreams ever. And yes, I was indeed very happy. For all those 8 long months, until reality kicked in.

I love the Philippines. I maybe an Pekeng Merkana but deep inside my knees, ako’y isang Uragon na Bicolana, who believes that there is so much opportunity back home, you just have to learn how to navigate all the negativities at mga manduragas ever na mga tao who’s gonna be your best friend ever once they hear that your tagalog ang english have a different accent no matter how much you blend in to be not noticed.

I love the Philippines. I love Manila.

Those smoke belching jeeps and the everyday smog is aroma to my nostrils. Those wrangling tricycles and motorbikes are music to my ears. Those ever-ever ewan ko forever not ending traffic is already an art to me. (Huh?!).

And they have something new! Everywhere I turn, “Kuya”, “Ate”, “Sir” - ANG GAGALANG!!! Whatever happened to these people?! Nawala lang ako for many, many years puro na “Po”, “Oho”! WATZ GOING ON?!

WELL?

Yes. I failed. But it’s not a confirmation that all of my friends who has been yelling at me deep inside my ears that “DI BA YAN NA NGA ANG SINABI NAMIN SAYO?!”

Sorry. Give me time. Ako’y uulit pa.

I will. Heto ako. Picking up the pieces. When I’m ready. I’ll do it again. Tanga kong tanga!

AND THEN… I ran across this blog.

Leaving the Philippines. Filipinos would die for the opportunity to leave their beloved country in search of better opportunities abroad. My own family did so. As a result, I am now working for corporate America making decent to good money. And if I worked for Uncle Sam a little more, I will make it high along the corporate ladder. Filipinos would kill for this opportunity. Figuratively, of course; or can that be literal as well?

Me, I’m doing the opposite. I have decided to work for Uncle Boy? Auntie Gloria? Who is Uncle Sam’s cohort in the Philippines. I am coming back to the Philippines for my hanap buhay. It took some time for my family and friends to understand why I’m doing it. My grandpa thought I was losing my mind. You see, he was responsible for my family’s petition to the US 20 years ago. (Insert the traditional Filipino Grandpa lecture here about coming to America.) I responded with, Where am I needed more?<> Twin ko ba sya? Sino to? Pano nya nabasa ang utak ko?

ZINU ZYA?

• I’m VegasFilAmGuy

• From Vintar, Honolulu, Las Vegas, Makati

• You can call me Pinoy, Filipino, Fil-Am, Amboy, American. Makes no difference to me. For I am what I am, and that’s all that I am.

Well… there is indeed somebody in America who share the same feelings ko.

It makes me feel good.

For me… the dream lives on…